* This post may contain affiliate links, which means that I may receive a commission if you make a purchase using these links.
My daughter is only 3 years old and she’s light years ahead of where I was at that age. She wants to do everything herself.
Even at 5 years old I was the shyest, clingiest kid there was. I was scared of doing things on my own and stared at the ground most of the time. If I wanted something I whispered to my older sister who would ask for me. I think some people thought I was a mute.
As parents we feed our kids, clothe them, bathe them, buy things for them. It’s a wonder how I ever learned to do things on my own, though my parents tried. So what easy tips are there to raise kids to be independent?
Kids are very observant. They want to be independent. A few weeks ago my one year old son found a toothbrush in a bathroom drawer. He also found a tube of what he thought was toothpaste (he couldn’t open it). Then he started trying to brush his teeth. He then climbed onto the stool left next to the sink for our daughter. He spit all over the bathroom counter.
I was dying laughing. We never taught him anything about brushing his teeth. Every night he just followed my daughter and I into the bathroom when we were brushing our teeth and managed to put two and two together.
I took my daughter to the dentist last month. She sat patiently and quietly had her teeth cleaned. Both the dentist and her assistant commented how they couldn’t believe she was only 3 because of the way she talked and how good she was being. *Proud mommy moment*
These two events had me thinking. How did I, such an introverted person (until about college/a little after), begin raising two stubbornly independent kids?
TIPS FOR RAISING INDEPENDENT KIDS
LET THEM FAIL
But wait! You just said you were going to give us easy tips for our kids to be independent and hopefully succeed in life.
I did. The best way to raise independent kids is by allowing them to try things on their own. If they fail, they will learn what they have to do differently to succeed.
Example: Our dogs’ water bowl was empty and needed to be refilled. I filled up a pitcher of water and my daughter wanted to pour it in. “Can I do it mama?”
Well I already knew there was a good chance water was going to spill all over the floor, but hey it’s only water.
I told my daughter to slowlyyyyyyyyy pour the water into the bowl. Two seconds later we were mopping water off the floor. “Sorry mama.”
My daughter was sad, but I told her it was okay and then proceeded to show her how to slowly poor water into the dog bowl. She now does it on her own, no spilling, and she’s very proud of herself.
PRAISE
Everyone likes hearing when they did a good job, even adults.
Hearing someone else tell them they did a good job is what helps them build confidence.
When my son spit all over our bathroom sink I didn’t scold him for making a mess. I laughed hysterically, then told him good job. The smile on his face was priceless. He was obviously very pleased with himself.
My daughter had a hard time learning to write some letters in her name and would get very frustrated and give up. I focused on the letters she could write and we practiced the ones she couldn’t. She said “Mama, are your proud of me?” Yes and not just because you can write the letter s.
PROVIDE NEW OPPORTUNITIES
Give your kids opportunities to be more independent.
We have taken our kids everywhere with us since they were born. They’ve been on cruises, go to restaurants, grocery shopping, and even when we get our cars fixed.
The way my husband puts it, we are raising our kids to be independent by showing them everything. When I get home every day my daughter excitedly tries to tell me everything they did that day. She gives me all the little details, what they ate, who she spoke to, what they did, if her brother was bad that day or not.
Providing your child with new opportunities has multiple benefits:
-Teaches them to socialize with other people
-Builds muscle memory
-Helps develop new skills
-Watch how others’ interact in different settings
CHORES
This is a win-win for parents and kids. Studies have shown that kids who do chores are more likely to succeed and be better at school than kids who don’t do chores.
This means you can have a helper to wash dishes, take out the trash, fold laundry, AND you’re giving your kids tools to be more independent.
Here’s an embarrassing story. When I went to college I had a vague idea of how to do laundry. Separate by color, add detergent, wash, dry. My mom had always done my laundry and I never had to do it myself. Occasionally I would help fold socks.
When I was at college my clothes would come out a disaster. You mean you don’t use hot water for everything? It was horrible.
My mom would tell me to bring my dirty laundry with me whenever I went home. Yea that’s right. My mom thought she was helping me so that I could focus on my studies when what she should have said was hey here’s your long overdue laundry lesson now do it yourself lol.
It’s now safe to say I can do my own laundry without shrinking clothes or color changes.
The age your kids are will determine what type of chores you give them.
My daughter currently helps empty the dishwasher, puts her toys away, and assists with cooking and baking, which makes her a less picky eater. She also cleans, but with more assistance.
My son uses this toy cleaning set to pretend to sweep and mop (using the water from the dog bowl). Life lessons right there.
PROBLEM-SOLVING
Not knowing how to do something can be very frustrating, especially to a kid with little patience.
If you see your child struggling to do something refrain from rushing to their aid or doing it for them. Give them a chance to figure it out.
This takes patience on your part and theirs.
Our dogs get their balls and toys stuck under the couch all the time. I would use their toy broom to get them out because they were hard to reach. One time my daughter tried to do it on her own, but couldn’t get the toys out. She asked me to help her. I said you can do it, and proceeded to show her how, but let her do it on her own. Right when her frustration was too much she figured it out.
Give your kids time to think and independently work through problems. If they ask for help try to walk them through the steps to their goal without doing it for them.
TEAMWORK
Explaining the importance of doing chores as they relate to your family will help your kids better understand why they need to do them. It also makes them feel like they are part of a team and that their assistance matters.
In our family I do most of the laundry, kid related errands, and cooking. My husband does the yard work, garbage duty, and car repairs. We interchange chores when needed and split the remaining errands.
Our puppy had pooped in the house. Gross! Surprisingly, my daughter ran to the bathroom to get a tissue and said “I got it mama!” Ummm..okay. I don’t know any kids who would be willingly do this chore.
Raising independent kids doesn’t have to be hard with these tips.
Have your kids do chores and expose them to new situations. Praise them when they do well and give them guidance when they need it.
Stress the importance of working as a team.
Let your kids use their brains to solve problems and don’t be afraid to let them fail.
What tips do you have to raise independent kids?
If you don’t have any kids, what helped you become independent?
This list has some excellent points. Children are smart and creative and can learn and grow as people when they are given their own opportunities to think and reason.
I couldn’t have said it better. I think people, myself included, underestimate just how smart little ones are. Just because they can’t always speak their opinions doesn’t mean they can’t absorb new information.
Sounds like you’re doing a great job raising this little one; congrats on being an awesome mama! Thanks for sharing!
That is so sweet of you to say. Definitely trying hard. Patience is a must 😉
Don’t have kids but definitely agree.
Providing them with new opportunities is key. That alone will do so much for them.
It’s amazing how their minds pick up so much information even if they don’t fully understand it.
That’s great you’re raising independent children. All too often parents baby their kids for so long and then they end up adults and can’t do anything for themselves. I don’t have kids, but when I do I intend on taking them everywhere we go and incorporating them into our lives. I think some parents totally change the way they live to fit into their child’s life and that’s totally backward.
Completely agree. My mom was guilty of this. She cleaned for my sisters and I for a very very long time. Although I am grateful, it took me much longer to learn to do them on my own.
Great resource for new moms! 🙂
thank you!
These are wonderful tips! It is so good to raise independent kids. Not only is it good for the kids and their future, but makes it a lot easier and more enjoyable to be a mother as well.
Thank you and that’s so true. My mom liked doing things for my sister and me, but would then be frustrated when we didn’t do certain things. Can’t be both ways.
Love this! I have twin daughters and when they were at the age to enter into Kindergarten, it was an extremely hard decision whether I should keep them together or have them placed in different classrooms. After long discussions with my husband, the school guidance counselor and MANY MANY tears, I decided to separate. I went from having one Independent and one very dependent child to two blossoming young ladies that seemed to find their “place” among their groups of friends.
In my daughter’s class she has 1 girl who is a part of triplets. Her 2 sisters are in another class. I was just thinking why they didn’t keep them all together, but that makes complete sense.
THIS!! 🙌🏻 Great, great post! I try so hard to implement all of these. Though sometimes independence can be frustrating (I have found myself thinking, “my goodness we could have left 10 minutes ago if you would have let ME be the one to put your shoes on..”) but I know this independence will serve them well in the future.
LOL! Yes I understand that feeling too.
This is such a great topic! I don’t have kiddos yet, but I know I was a very independent kid, so I ‘m sure I will have at least one independent one. =)
I was thinking I would have 2 shy babies like I was, but they’re the complete opposite!
This is easily the best piece I have seen on raising independent kids. I agree wholeheartedly with all of it. Great post!
Thank you! 🙂